I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do herpes really smell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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