Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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