Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
