I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
