My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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