i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
