he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
