Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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