If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
