Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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