We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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