we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
