nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
