I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
