sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
