tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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