Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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