Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
