i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
