Apparently you make a good broom.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
