my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
