My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this just has baby written all over it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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