We're facebook friends in real life
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
