the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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