Soap is not a condiment
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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