very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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