I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Damn victory sex feels great
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
