i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
