help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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