i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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