Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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