Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
