Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
