Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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