So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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