So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
