If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
