Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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