One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
