I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
