My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
