Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
