If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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