My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
