Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
