I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
