nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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