i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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