addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
