I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
