I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
