There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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