After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
