Pants 0. Shit 1.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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