hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
