It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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