so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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