you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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