I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pants are for mortals
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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