Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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