my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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