is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
