Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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