I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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