May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
