Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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