Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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