ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
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