Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
