I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
