She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
