well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
