he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So squirting runs in the family.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
